…it’s better to burn out than it is to rust.. ~ Neil Young ~
As I stood in my shower I was thinking over the mechanics words “the undercarriage is badly rusted. You need to think about getting a car in the next 6 months or so. Once the rust starts under there you can’t stop it”. It was not news I wanted to hear or think about. So this whole undercarriage thing started me thinking about lady parts. My mind does go off sometimes. I was thinking about how our lady parts sometimes work sometimes don’t, rust, and somehow got to granny panties and how if old broads didn’t wear them, maybe their parts wouldn’t get rusty.. Don’t ask, I can’t even fathom how this went there… but it did.
As the hot water ran over me, I began thinking over this whole granny panty thing and wondering why and at what age do women switch to them. This is a switch I haven’t made. What made women want to cover everything in those loose cotton bulky things, that were chastity belt like and oh sooooo not sexy. I exited the shower, robed and began to research this a bit on the internet, and to my shock and horror learned I had in fact, unwittingly switched to “granny panties”. The internet revealed that my lace LaPerla, high cut bikini’s are, by today’s standards, labeled by youth as “granny panties”. Like a boxers or briefs for men, if it’s not a thong, or a “boy short” it a granny panty! That is not where I had planned on going with this blog, but here we are. If your ass is even remotely covered in your panty, despite it being a bikini, brief, lace, silk, crotchless or see through, you (in this case I) are wearing a granny panty. Wait, while I pick myself up off the floor, because I thought I was the last of the granny panty hold outs.
I quickly conferred with a genXer. Her definition of a granny panty (she actually said “old lady panties”) were her Fruit of the Loom or Hanes six pack of cotton underwear. Mostly a lower cut, but that is what she and her friends now wear, they can’t handle thongs and don’t find them comfortable. Ok, so the 40 somethings consider those old lady panties and only dig out the lace or silkies for special moments. I didn’t get it, but respected the “comfort” thing. Then I checked with my 22 year old colleague, who was mortified that this old broad would even broach the subject. She patiently explained to me, as best she could without going red in the face, that no matter what it is made of or how it is cut, if they cover your ass, they are NOT considered sexy by today’s standards, too much coverage translates to guys, as difficult access to your lady parts. Then I remembered a man commenting recently, “we don’t care if the panties and bra match, we only care about access”. Hmmm…. This put a whole new spin on it. How could your ass being slightly covered make you look less accessible? I had to reconsider every panty in my drawer… I will never look at them the same. I feel so betrayed. But I need to get past this.
So, I was originally wondering why in the world older women would wear those bulky huge cottony things under their clothes. Just like I wonder why older women tend to wear bulky binding pull over your head sports bras, instead of figure flattering and sensual feeling bras? I was always a broad who loved knowing I was wearing silk, lace and sexy underthings… I loved, and still do, the feel on my skin. Was it because the lady parts weren’t functioning and they wanted to be not hot? But I don’t care anymore why women do any of that, what I do want to know what would possess young women to wear a strip of fabric up their ass crack, like a permanent wedgie!? Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in burlesque, and understand the G-string (oh you younger broads, that’s what they were called originally) the g-string, however, was meant to be worn for a 4-6 minute dance routine, it was a costume, not daily wear. I do recall when “thongs” first became a thing back in the late ‘90’s / early oughts’, I totally understood them. First of all they were for fun moments, some jewel clad, or see through for naughty nights (hello burlesque looks). Some, sans tassels and jewels could be used for those smooth lines under special dresses or a dress pant. Broads, let’s be honest here, the bikini, was always an issue with the dreaded panty lines, but hell, when it was an issue, you just went commando (which was a totally naughty feeling). I remember getting my friend Jennifer a thong for her 40th, she promptly donned it over her jeans at the bar, because it was so damn bedazzeled! I doubt she ever really wore it after that. So I understood them back then. At some point I guess I missed that they became the new norm.
Bottom line – whether you’re a cheeky gal, lacy lady, boy-short lover or full-coverage fan there are many different types of panties these days, and somewhere you’re bound to find something that feels both nice on your skin and comfortable on your body, ok, well maybe not a thong… so what you have to ask yourself each morning is “do I want to feel youthfully hot or elderly not”?
What did any of this have to do with the rusted undercarriage? Well the old girl, despite a little rust is lubed up and running just fine…
Dee Dee fun fact on this video… I was standing in the wings when this was recorded..no lie I worked the first Farm AID.