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RHOBH Confessions of a Housewife

S5 Ep 18.  So last week we were in the Twilight Zone.  This week made us want to break out into Billy Preston’s “Will It Go Round In Circles” and yep it did.  And it Housewives_of_Beverly_Hills_Cast_(2014)was a boring filler episode to get us to the finale and  the reunion, which every cast memberof RHOBH and Andy Cohen have been hyping as “explosive” for weeks.

It opens with the ladies in a flower shop in Amsterdam.  Yes we are still there.  Yolanda wants to talk to Brandi Glanville about slapping  Lisa Vanderpump in the face.  In her usual squeaky little girl voice she tells Yolanda that it wasn’t malicious, it was a joke. They show an off camera of Kim looking very puzzled and not really sure about what to say about the slap.  Not even Kim believes that nonsense. Brandi has had enough  of the “talk” and would much rather talk about her date the night before with a 22 year old Dutch boy, who also happens to know Max, yes that Max.  Brandi buys flowers for her date; and flowers for Lisa V as an apology effort.

Now Brandi and Lisa V are F2F at the flower shop and Brandi tries the flower apology.  Lisa V has no interest in the explanation and tells her that she needs to exercise some self -control and that this time she crossed the line.  She will have no part in making up.  Brandi still doesn’t get it and one has to wonder when Yolanda is going to run out of patience and understanding.  Something tells us that when it happens, it will like a Tsunami and everything will be destroyed in the wake of Yolanda’s wrath.  Even patient people eventually draw a line in the sand.  But we don’t really think Yolanda will.  She tells us all through this episode everything comes from the heart. Namaste.

Coming from the heart, Yolanda tries to tell Lisa V that Brandi has a problem and explains that they need to help her and try to understand her issues.  Lisa V says NO WAY.  Lisa V says “Brandi  is your asshole, not mine”.   Now we didn’t feel this was an appropriate response to Yolanda of all people, but apparently Yolanda doesn’t remember or know that Lisa V and Ken Todd were big defenders of Ms. Glanville, and got burned.

Lisa V  goes back to her to her room, and is on the phone with Ken, explaining the “slap” and getting some much needed TLC from her ever loving hubby. On a side note, they show LISA V with her hair up.  She is really gorgeous with her hair off of her face and should wear it up more.  Just an observation.

Later that day, Brandi is getting ready to go to dinner with the Ladies when Yolanda stops by and after what seems like the almost 100th talk about Brandi’s inappropriate behavior and telling Brandi that it feels like everyone is just faking it when they are together, Brandi says “I just won’t go, besides, I have a date tonight. Brandi  asks if this is another  “mom lecture”  and poses the question, why would she want to go out with a bunch of “menopause mommas” when I have this hot date lined up with a 22 year old?   He is hot but looks as if he is too young to shave.

Amster-Boy

Amster-Boy

Yolanda and the other Ladies, sans Brandi, meet for their last dinner in Amsterdam.   Once they realize Brandi isn’t coming, they all seem very, very relieved and go on to have a lovely conflict free evening.  Surprised anyone?

Lisa V is very happy that Brandi is “dry humping” a 22 year old. This way they can eat dinner in peace.  Leave it to Lisa V to throw some color into our mental gallery.  Yolanda tells everyone this is one of her favorite places and that the first time she was there was 30 years ago.  Then lets it slip that her date, Julio Iglesias brought her there.  Lisa R tells the Ladies that Yolanda is more fabulous than they realize and that Yolanda even has fabulous skeletons in her closet that they have not yet seen.

Meantime, Brandi waits a seemingly long time for Andre.

Andre shows up for dinner with Brandi.  She is clearly lit and acts very coquettish, she is really too old for that act, but Andre eats it up and actually licks his lips like a young wolf ready for the slaughter.  He is getting laid tonight and is salivating.  It might have already happened the night before but that is a little unclear.  Innuendos are all over the place.

A fabulous last night for all in Amsterdam.

Back stateside, Yolanda and Brandi go to a spa.  Brandi is visibly upset, one would think over the Amsterdam drama, but no, Brandi’s dad is very sick.  At the spa, Yolanda gets an IV vitamin treatment, no doubt for her Lyme disease and Brandi gets a facial, which she cries though. Yolanda has yet another talk with her.  Now as sensitive as Yolanda is, you might think this could wait, having heard the news on Brandi’s dad, and knowing the tenuous relationship they have, but she goes ahead It and of course further upsets Brandi. Brandi believes that all of the women dislike her and that she is the only one called out on her behavior; and is tired of all the hate.  She is seriously delusional if she really thinks that.  She might be vulnerable and emotional because her dad is in the hospital with some heart issues and the news isn’t very promising.  Very understandable to let that overflow in to everything else that is happening.

Kim visits Adrienne Maloof, who is almost always a voice of reason, and of course Kim gives Adrienne the Kim version of what has gone down between the Ladies in Amsterdam.  Adrienne of course takes it with a grain of salt, but she always gives Kim the benefit of a doubt.  Remember, Adrienne was in that famous limo ride in the thick of a Kim and Kyle blow out back in the season one finale.  When Kim threw out the “you stole my house” bomb for the first time at Kyle.

Lisa R and Kyle meet for a meal and of course, talk about the trip and everything else.  Kyle tells Lisa R that she has not talked to Kim since their return but plans to ask her if she would like to spend a few days reconnecting at Kyle’s new Palm Springs home.  Lisa R starts telling Kyle about all of the things that Brandi has talked about behind Kim’s back.  Although, in Lisa R’s defense she expressed that Brandi is concerned but doesn’t know who to deal with it without upsetting Kim.  We can all see the wheels turning in Kyle’s head now.  This is likely going to bite Lisa R in the ass at some point, probably next week we suspect.

At Kyle’s fabulous Palm Springs home, she waits for Kim.  The house looks like something out of a magazine.  What a place, but this is the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Kim arrives and you can see she is immediately off put, by the house and the setting.   The Sisters seem strained, though they do give each other a big sisterly hug, it doesn’t take long before the two are at it.  It could have something to do with the tour of the house; you can tell Kim is harboring something, hurt, resentment, regret? Sitting down together Kyle tells Kim that they have come too far in life to let Brandi or anyone else come between them; but Kim defends Brandi once again until Kyle tells Kim that Brandi has been talking to people about her sobriety and telling them that she didn’t want to confront Kim about it. Now we have to say, Kyle did put a spin on it that it was malicious talk, which we all watch the show, and know it wasn’t.  Did Brandi discuss Kim’s sobriety behind her back absolutely.  Was it in her mean girl way? No so much.   Kim tells her that if that’s true that Brandi has betrayed her, she will be truly heartbroken.  Kyle amps it up a bit at which point Kim brings up the fact that Kyle still treats her as she did three years ago, and  then brings us full circle and goes on to  bring up “the house” that Kyle stole! AaHa!  It was Mom’s Palm Springs house eluded to in that famous limo ride.   Kyle tries to tell her that she is mistaken; that she and Kathy wanted to be bought out since they both already had homes in Palm Springs, something Kim has a totally different memory of.  Kyle goes on to say she has the cancelled checks at which point Kim screams that Kyle is lying and the fight is on.   It is at this point we realize that Kim is more deeply troubled by her family dynamic, probably coupled with the fact that her romantic involvements had always been with “heirs’ to some fortune, and just didn’t work out.  So to see Kyle and Kathy having it together probably makes her feel a bit less than. And it further lets us know this all as little to do with Brandi Glanville.  Sorry Kyle.

So for now the Richards sisters have brought us full circle back to the finale of season one, which ended with Kim calling Kyle a liar, and Kyle calling Kim an alcoholic.  While the sisters did at least hug at the end of this episode, we did feel as if we are back were we started 5 seasons ago, full circle.

Now, on to next week’s final curtain for the season….

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