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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Slap!

S5 Ep17. While this episode of the Real housewives of Beverly Hills was called Amster- Damn Slap, it really should have been called Twilight Zone because we, as some of the cast members must have felt, were in an alternate universe.

Other worldly is the only way to describe the morning following all the drama.  Kim invites, Lisa Rinna and Lisa Vanderpump to go shopping with her and Brandi. Say what!? Upstairs Yolanda Foster has been hit with Lyme induced fatigue, probably much to her benefit as odd as that sounds, but in this caseimage it was the best medicine.  She does talk to Kyle Richards about how God doesn’t give us more than we can handle which brings Kyle to tears at the thought.

Down in the lobby Eileen is a bit stunned at the shopping expedition comprised of the newly patched together misfits and decides on a Museum trip instead.  Kyle joins the group, and decides to hang with Eileen Davidson.  Actually neither Eileen nor Kyle got an invitation to shop so the alternate plan was the only way to go.

imageOff we go. Museums and sex shops, fun times different excursions.  So far so good.  Maybe other worldly but good.  Everyone seems to be floating in an altered state through Amsterdam.  But, it is during their separate outing that Kyle and Eileen noticed this whole “Stepford” thing and have a WTF is going on moment.  And why imageare they now the outsiders?   We don’t blame them.  We weren’t getting it either.

Once everyone is back together, they go off to dinner on a small boat through the canals.  It is obvious to everyone that they are all only pretending to be “ok” in  that Stepford sort of way, preferring the “walking on egg shells”  thing one does around crazy.  Since Kyle and Eileen were on their own, they weren’t given their scripts and don’t realize that to keep the piece they should be falling into a Stepford role to keep everything from blowing up.  Talk about a slippery slope.   Remember Kyle and Eileen are still looking at everyone like they are from another planet, as the junk begins its purge onto the table.

imageKyle sort of throws Eileen to Kim and Brandi.  We give kudos, to Eileen for sticking to the facts and for watching her words.  Brandi tries to bait her but she doesn’t bite.  Lisa R appears to crawl inside her “survival” mode because she is pinned in between Brandi and Eileen.   At some point, someone comments that Lisa R is a people pleaser.  Very true but her heart is in the right place.  Brandi and Eileen seem to be getting things out and for a split second we see a glimmer of an “ahaa” moment in Brandi’s eye, because she apologizes to Eileen for her mean girl ways.  But we said it was brief and possibly we only thought we saw it.  The other ladies join in on this, and it starts to veer.  Somehow Eileen is now in the line of fire, and no one, not even Lisa R seems to have her back.  Eileen is sincerely apologizing and Kim is not having it.  Kim justimage keeps crying (we swore we heard a tiny jam box playing “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To” coming from Kim’s bag). Yolanda tries to point out that “it’s sincere, accept it”.  But no, and then Brandi hurls the “home wrecking” insult to Eileen.  This cements the reason that she is disliked, called crazy and people mistrust her.  She can’t leave well enough alone.  Well that’s all it took to send everyone scurrying like rats from a sinking ship.  Yolanda removes herself, LVP, leaves.  One by one they exit the scene.  So the junk is literally on the table and somehow Eileen has become the bad guy.  Well we didn’t see that coming.

One by one everyone migrates from the drama end of the boat to the Stepford dinner table.  It is now, that we are going to do something rather Stepford ourselves, and give Brandi her due.  She decides to play a “game” of sorts (you know we don’t think games are ever a good idea on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills but what the hell) by asking everyone, to say something positive about each of the ladies. Huh?

Ok, so Yolanda had an impact and apparently Eileen speaking “truths” in a very careful way, got to her.  Bravo ladies.  Anyway, Brandi goes on to emphasize “nothing negative only positives”.  And off we go into the swirling light of the Twilight Zone.

It went really well, of course Brandi could only comment on the exterior of most women.  Kyles off camera comment is that Brandi can’t see any deeper because she just isn’t deep. Brandi’s believes that she can and only sees ugliness if she does.  But beyond all the tears, the thank yous, and the warm and fuzzies were, well… we weren’t sure what we were watching.  It was just bizarre and really over the top in the nice department.  It didn’t escape us or the ladies that Brandi tried to get out of the “line of fire” in the compliment department.  No one was having it.  It could have been an “oh please beg me to sit while you say nice things about me” moment, or it could have been a sincere “I don’t want to be humiliated” moment.  It is now that we will once again, have our own Twilight Zone moment.  We sort of realize that Brandi’s self-esteem has been destroyed by the events surrounding her marriage and divorce (a cheating ex really and being so easily replaced can do that).  She most likely covers this up with her mean girl ways and booze and negative attention seeking.  If you have children you know that the “negative attention is better than no attention” thing.

Having had one of the Broads living through a very similar life event at one point, we can almost see past her BS into a girl who feels like nothing on the inside.  Very, very sad. Ok, enough of our empathy.  We are just saying, shit happens and it sometimes scars a person for a very long time.  We are not giving her a pass mind you.   We just got some insight into what motivates her to behave badly when she could just as easily be nice.

We hope Brandi can get past it, but all the players involved in her personal life drama are capitalizing on the events in front of the camera so it might take her longer and down different roads to get to the light at the end of the tunnel.  There is definitely a light Brandi, you just have to look for it.

_Real_Housewives_of_Beverly_Hills_-853173ee61333870b29e46d49e32f38cSo, just as we were having all this run through our minds, she and LVP seem to be having a, fun little moment.  Brandi starts singing the theme from the Love Boat and asks LVP to kiss her. Huh!? Brandi says playfully, “I will slap you” and LVP doesn’t believe that would happen.  Not even Brandi could be so stupid thinking it would be funny right?  Then, out of left field, Brandi crosses the boundaries once again and gives a “little” slap on the face to LVP and says “come on slap me back”.. Like we said Twilight Zone.  It was the same “fun” slap, as the “fun” wine in Eileen’s face moment (although deep down, we think she was throwing that wine at Leanne in her mind’s eye).  We didn’t take it too seriously nor did LVP.  But it again showed us, at least, that Brandi clearly wants everyone to think of her as she thinks of herself.  Not worthy.  That maybe it is better to look and behave crazy and to detract from the reality that you really are damaged and maybe then the others will be afraid to look any closer at your problems.

Ok, enough of the BS. See, it even started to suck us in.  This episode gave us a little glimpse into Brandi, but beyond that, there wasn’t much going on.  Wait, it did show us one more thing.  These women should probably not travel together.   So, once again we were left in the Twilight Zone.


** Brandi Glanville has a new podcast with Featuring Leeza Gibbons check it out at  PodcastOne

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