This week’s episode (S5 E14) of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills opens with Brandi visiting Yolanda at her home in Malibu. It is revealed that Yolanda has Brandi doing a cleanse for 21 days, consisting of no drinking and no sugar. This after Brandi, threw Yolanda’s daughter Bella under the bus. Yolanda, is hell bent on doing what no one before her has been able to do, make a silk purse out of a sows ear. This via a 21 day “cleanse”, and yoga with a hot instructor every few days. We’ll see how this works out for everyone. Yolanda said nothing about Xanex or drugs. We know you come from a place of love Yolanda, so we wish you luck with this project, which will be more difficult than those painting parties. We think Yolanda’s patience will soon wear thin. She is a good soul but everyone has their limit.
Kyle, goes to Lisa Vanderpump’s for an afternoon chat. Can we stop right here for a moment, and talk about who else is in love with Lisa Vanderpumps front door? The Villa Rosa door looks like it belongs in a restaurant. Love that door. Ok, back to the show. It was refreshing to see Kyle and LVP in that setting. It took us back to season 1, when LVP lived across from Adrianne, and Kyle and LVP were so friendly. LVP used to buy baby Portia all those little frilly gifts, and everyone being seemingly friendly with just the occasional snipe. Back to when we got a glimpse into the lifestyles of the rich and famous. We digress. Kyle unloads on Lisa about Brandi and LVP goes on about how Brandi is, and how she has treated people in the past. Oh wait, speaking, of the past, wasn’t it original cast member Adrianne Maloof, who brought little Brandi around in the first place? If we remember correctly no one cared for her then. Didn’t that ultimately turn out bad for Adrianne and Paul? And didn’t Lisa and Ken, step in and defend Brandi against Adrianne and Paul, who ended up suing Brandi? Then Brandi, true to form, trashed Lisa and Ken, and moved on to the Richards Sisters, who she had a huge battle with the season before when she threw Lisa under the bus. It baffles us, how Kyle didn’t see all this coming. Has history taught us nothing? Anyway, Kyle carries on, and it appears as though Lisa is backing off, no matter which way she sways she might end up in the line of fire. Smart move Lisa.
Let’s go to the beach. At the beach Brandi is with her friend, a real life addiction specialist, Jennifer Giminez, who is/was a counselor on Dr. Drews “Sober House” and a recovering addict herself. We admit, as intriguing as this is, it is hard to concentrate on what Brandi and Jen are talking about because we suspect Brandi sees Jen’s doc for lip and cheek fill; apparently they have been to the Juvederm well one too many times, as they both have a problem moving their mouths, but they manage. Maybe one day her face will be so stiff that she will have a hard time spewing insults. We guess she would be off the show if that happened. Anyway, just as they get settled in, a call comes from Ken Todd inviting Brandi to Lisa’s surprise birthday party. This makes Brandi’s “heart happy” (we like it because it shows the class that the Todd/Vanderpumps have) until he asks that Brandi be on her best behavior, in Brandi’s words that would mean no talking, no drinking, etc. Yep, that’s about it Brandi. I wish Jen and Brandi could have refrained from the stifled giggles, it was distracting, and made it look, well, scripted. But back to Kim, because somehow this is just all about Kim all the time. At least Jen gives sound advice that a recovering addict doesn’t just take a pill someone gives her, and tells Brandi, that the only one who can help Kim is Kim. Jennifer goes on to ask Brandi all the things the other ladies seemingly know to ask “does she go to meetings, does she have a sponsor, does she go to therapy is she involved in all that stuff..”? Brandi all dazed and confused says “not that I know of..” Bam! Brandi if you were so close to Kim, we think you’d know this shit if you’re her BFF. Well to deflect her lack of intimate knowledge of Kim, she of course goes on a Kyle bashing with Jen. Ho hum..
At some point in the show Eileen and Vince decide to host a table reading of Vince’s new script. They have decided to invite most, but not all of the ladies to their house (good thing she isn’t inviting Brandi, we know how Brandi feels about that house), oh please note, Eileen does learn from history, no booze is being served at this shindig.
The Lisas ride together to the Van Patten’s, and the Richards girls ride together. Kim lets it be known that she does not like people interfering in her life (hello newcomers Elieen and Lisa R). This, while in the Lisas car Lisa R is talking of staging a Kim intervention, where again, LVP reminds us that she was stung in Paris when she expressed concern about Kim’s odd behavior in a previous season. So talk about interfering in Kimland. We love ya Lisa R. Meanwhile back in the Richards sisters ride, Kim defends Brandi’s actions to Kyle again, which of course is upsetting to Kyle and oh so boring to us viewers.
On to the script read. This scene is just sort of odd. Kim carrying on about Bette Davis and seeing her take off her wig, it was a real fog Kim moment that made no sense to anyone but Kim. There was a puppet involved, a “F you” from Kim and the other ladies reading various parts. It just shows that in Hollywood, anyone can write a screen play. A good time seemed to be had by all. We then move to the kitchen for a little fun and relaxation until the subject of Brandi comes up around Kim. Go Lisa R. Kim breaks down about Monty and let’s everyone know that Brandi gives her the occasional respite from this tragic situation. They agree that’s ok, but not ok to let Brandi come between her and her sister. Lisa R nails it. Kim keeps the drama up to keep people from looking at how fast she is falling. We think we love you Lisa R.
While out in Malibu, our lovely Yolanda is planning a treasure hunt in Beverly Hills. She has two game producers to the house. Wait did she say she loves Games!? Another Game episode on the horizon.. oh lord.. Yolanda perhaps you can pull it off drama free. We can only hope. NOT!
Ok on to the best part of the show – Lisa Vanderpump’s surprise party.
But before we actually get to Pump, we have to ride in a limo with Kim, Brandi and Kathy Hilton (hmm). It is quickly revealed that Kim and Brandi don’t care for Eileen (umm.. Eileen their coming for ya) “she’s reserved and judgmental and I accidentally threw wine in her face..” . Kathy Hilton almost peed herself upon hearing that.. and what is she doing on the show? Maybe she is bored with lunches and needs a new hobby. The one where she makes over the poorer, low class girls, didn’t work out so well for her, so on to a new project we guess.
At the party, Lisa and Eileen are still concerned enough about the Kim thing that they are going to jump in to this mess feet first. Look out ladies no good can come of this even though we know you come from a place of love.
Enter Yolanda, a stunner in a lime green halter. Wait, Brandi is a stunner, of sorts, in the exact same dress in hot peach (hot like stripper lipstick)! Ok, Yolanda must have bought two, because this is the most tasteful, and covered we have ever seen Brandi. Twins day. Who saw that coming? It was either an accident of major proportions, or at Yolanda’s suggestion, Brandi borrowed her other one. All the ladies look fab, we just love a dress up event, so Beverly Hills.
Back to Yolanda, yes Yolanda, who shows us what a classy broad she is. She goes directly to Kim, and genuinely tells Kim she is there for her. No judging, no listening to idle gossip, just there for her no matter what. Bravo Yolanda, bravo. Beautiful inside and out. But why the hell did you loan Brandi that dress?
Lets get on with the surprise!
The first surprise is to Kyle when she sees Brandi… akward. We loved it! Ken is just a darling, inviting poor little Brandi.
Ken has to get LVP to Pump and the scene with “James” the driver (home James, really? this is the best you could do? A driver named James?). Ken says stop; LVP says go; stop; go (one of the broads broke into a Clash song!). James is hysterical veering this way and that. You know he just has to be thinking that wealthy people are weird.
In the end it works out well, Ken pulls off the surprise at Pump. Everyone leaps out and yells “SURPISE”! LVP seems genuinely surprised, especially to see Brandi, which she comments on immediately “how did you make the cut!” Love that comment.
Toasts begin, Brandi becomes the butt of jokes (deservedly so), Kyle brings up why is Brandi there. Lisa and Brandi throw jabs and then Lisa asks Brandi to sing “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”. It is here we have to hand it to Brandi, she stepped up and took the challenge and screeched though it, and not only in front of everyone but in front of Lance Bass! Kudo’s Brandi, although she must have shattered some of those famous Sur hand polished wine glasses. After this all the ladies get up and have a genuine good time singing and laughing and being the butt of Brandi’s jealous jokes. Who cares, they were having fun. News flash to Brandi, it happens to everyone, even you will get older one day. Menopause Mama’s… just wait Brandi, just wait. That Botox doesn’t last forever and starts to look very strange on an old gal.
Ok, so the party is going just great like a Beverly hills party ought to when, dum ta dum dum.. one of the Soap Queens approach Kyle with.. no.. yes.. no .. don’t say it.. they want to stage an intervention for Kim. Kyle couldn’t have said it any better, “this is not going to end well”.
To be continued……..