Peeing has a whole new meaning when you get older. This also falls under a category of “things your mother never told you”. Peeing is a natural thing to do as we all know, and to me to do this also meant using a toilet or if I was camping maybe the woods. I don’t know about you, but my mother never talked to me about incontinence. I mean SERIOUSLY, cough, cough, piss, piss?
Lately some of my funniest (and embarrassing might I add) moments have been because of “incontinence”. I don’t know about you girls, but it started hitting me about 2 years ago, growing stronger every year, and of course it is always at the expense of ME! WHEN I GOTTA GO, I GOTTA GO! And NOPE, can’t say “I’ll be home in 10 I can wait”, NOPE, doesn’t work. My mom at 83 has just told me “well I wear a pad”. Well thanks for telling me mom. Seeing as I haven’t had a period in over 20 years and never wore those things anyway, not to mention I only wear G stringed underwear, that would have never occurred to me.
A funny story at my expense, was one day when I was out with one of my Broads, Mary while shopping and while at the checkout counter, with at least three people in front of us. I say to Mary, “I gotta pee”, she says, “there’s a bathroom in the mall, we’re almost done”. As I stood there shuffling back and forth with my legs crossed so tight, I thought they were glued together, with what seemed forever but was actually 5 seconds, I respond, “never mind, TOO LATE”. Thank God it was cold outside and I was wearing a coat long enough to cover my embarrassment.
Once or more than once, I got into the elevator in my apartment building (may I mention, I live on the top floor of a very high building not to mention my apartment which is ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL FROM THE ELEVATOR.) and the minute, no, the second the elevator starts moving , the gravity or , pressure or whatever you want to call it, caused the pee sensation and no matter how hard I prayed, “God just let me make it into the house”, it started flowing, down my legs, and the harder I tried to stop it, the worse it got. I finally get to the front door hoping to get into the house and to the toilet in time, but by the time I put the key in the door, again TOO LATE! Still feeling the pee sensation I went directly to the bathroom, I the minute I sat down, a drop come out, SERIOUSLY!
If I were to make an educated guess, I bet a lot of women have had the TOO LATE syndrome. I suppose next step is having my bladder lifted or taking drugs, neither of which I am excited about. I hear that many elders are put in nursing homes because of this….JUST GREAT!
I for one will be practicing the Kegel method and strengthening my puboccygeous muscle and my gluts in order to avoid the nursing home. I also hear that if you sit on the toilet and put your elbows on your knees it’s like squatting and that will empty your bladder better.
Anyone else got any good tips, please post!!!!