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Amster-Damn! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

imageS5 Ep 16. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, got, well, real this week, at least it appears that way. It was an episode filled, with drugs, sex, eye rolling and glass smashing. It bordered on making the RHONJ or RHOA proud. While we have seen some “mean girl” behavior in Beverly Hills, this sort of went outside the box.

It started with an apology last week that carried over to dinner in beautiful Amsterdam. The lovely Yolanda Foster tries to get everyone to lay aside their differences for the trip and share something personal; this must have been a planned attempt to get the junk out on the table. It was a misstep in the plan to out Kim Richards. Kim knows what they are doing because she sits there with this pissed off look and is about ready to pop. I guess nobody noticed that look because they focused on Lisa Rinna. Lisa R, once again, reveals why she is so invested in Kim’s “recovery” (or lack thereof) as she tells the Ladies that her sister died of a drug overdose when Lisa R was only 6 years old (her sister being much older of course). Don’t forget that last week she let Harry’s problems out of the bag. So she once again apologizes to Kim for interfering but… Oh “h” to the ”ell” Kim explodes all over the dinner. We all should have known this was coming, from her eye rolling, glaring, ok, acting with her eyes. Well when she cut loose she let it rip, It was at this moment, we realized she was doing this straight! She ripped into not only Lisa R’s apology but called Eileen Davidson a beast; we think we heard a slight tear in the fabric of the universe. The next thing we know, the insults and empty threats are pouring out of Kim… “eat some bread” Bam!” “let’s talk about your husband”! Bam! Well in the insult hurling, that one hit Lisa R between the eyes because in the next second liquid flew, glass broke and Lisa R all but strangled Kim (not for a lack of trying, she was held back by Elieen and Lisa VDP. At this point the other ladies attempt to intervene (no not the one that really needs to happen), because everyone was having a WTF just happened moment. Brandi Glanville sits in her chair, uncharacteristically quiet because she has finally pushed the situation to the point that they are acting like a feeding frenzy in an aquarium full of sharks; Kim keeps the words and insults flying, Lisa R flees along with Eileen, Lisa VDP and Kyle Richards, in horror, as Kim screams “thanks for defending me, Kathy is the only sister I have…” or something to that effect. Kyle shoots back with I can’t defend the indefensible. But honestly both ladies acted atrociously, but in Lisa R’s case she really tried to keep her composure for what seemed an enternity. And all this because of an apology.

We were shaken to the core; we are not used to this on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Oh sure an occasional finger point, and scream in face session… even the best Yolanda has is to hold out her arms while she searches for the right words and all she can come up with is “what happened?”. Brandi is acting like she is completely shocked by the outburst and complains that she has wine and glass in her face. You can’t make this stuff up. Brandi, really you have never seen anything like this? Are you kidding us!? You started the season off throwing wine in Eileen’s face, grilling her on when she met the hubby and got married. It is no surprise you have been harboring this crap and sort of snuck it in now. You have fired up Kim to a point of seemingly no return, on your social climb to the top. If you can’t sleep your way up, just keep stepping on people to get there. So Brandi, don’t act all dismayed at what just went down, like you have never seen this kind of behavior. You stirred this whole thing up under the veil of “transparency”. Nice.

Ok, so that was all in the first 10 minutes and we are happy to report it lightened up from there, after all, we are in Yolanda’s homeland and all. Lisa R owns her shit and says it never should have happened and she should have never let Kim get to her that way. Lisa R says that she will never talk to Kim again, ever; but as luck and/or the producers would have it, in the morning Kim decides to go to Lisa R’s room to talk about their issues. After some discussion in which Kim takes no responsibility at all, she tells Lisa R that this kind of talk is affecting her kids and she should have come to her directly with her concerns. Lisa R tells Kim that she only has the best of intentions but will forever be out of this problem, it is not hers. Brandi can now take care of her BFF. They hug it out and then they go separately down to the lobby where all of the Ladies are waiting to see how this morning will play out. Lisa R comes down in a very weird state, sort of dreamy, hugs everyone and tells them that everything is good, at least for now.

On with our day.. but it makes us take pause and wonder. What did Harry do? What did go on in that Hamlin house? imageDoes Kim know anything? Or is she making up “soap opera” shit for a reality show? Time may or may not tell (probably not) so, let’s get those ladies on bikes, cause they need some lightening up and since the men aren’t there, well, bikes will have to do.

imageThe biking certainly seemed to elevate moods, especially Lisa VDP’s, you little minx you. You were all about the “riding” in this episode, you even wore the pink pussy shirt to the hellacious dinner. You were ready for your ride, since you “haven’t ridden anything this big in years” (Sorry Ken Todd, her words not ours and we thinks she jests). Suffice it to say, all the ladies seemed to like the bumpy ride, and Lisa VDP pointed out that riding on this street is “serious sexual stimulation”. Oh, we noticed no one stood up as one should do going over bumps, and we totally get why you didn’t. Kudos to you all for knowing how to relieve your stress.

imageWe had a visit to Windmill country, and it was lovely. We saw a man who once dated Yolanda, and kissed her, which she has no memory of. We can’t fault her here, this happens to the best of us. Finally they get to Yolanda’s mother’s home and everyone gets warm and fuzzy watching Yolanda reunite with her mom. Her mother survived breast cancer and now has uterine cancer so this is a tough trip for Yolanda. After some chit chat about the pot café’s, Yolanda’s mom admits to trying the “Space Cake” and shrugged when asked if she liked it. Apparently it didn’t knock her socks off.
Thanks Yolanda. Now, everybody must get stoned.

Off we go to the pot bar or café. Where everyone acts like they have never gotten stoned. Well not really, it’s just that it wasn’t presented so nicely on a menu. Frankly, their giggling at the whole idea and acting like no one wanted to get stoned, when that’s really all they wanted to do after the 24 hours they had, was a bit childish. imageBut we sort of understand, they are on camera and kids and kids friends watch so everyone was, hesitant. Thank goodness Lisa VDP decides on Space Cake. Everyone loves cake. Like Lisa R said “when have my kids seen me pass up cake? Um.. Never..” . Well at some point, as Kyle was being squirrely in front of the camera’s, Brandi points out that she had in fact gotten high with Kyle, smoked pot with Kyle. Kyle sort of squirmed, cameras and all and then the cake hit the table. It was devoured, and the piece didn’t seem big enough to get anyone high, just sayn’.

Out into the night we go, wandering Amsterdam high, when, damn, Brandi starts street screaming at Kyle and the imageladies about what “hypocrites” they all are”. Where the hell did that come from? As we see it, probably because Kim has gotten way too much camera time and had now drawn Lisa R and Eileen into the spotlight, Brandi felt, well, neglected and is apparently staging a comeback in the “everyone look at me” screaming at the top of my lungs in the quiet streets of Amster-Damn department. Yolanda’s brother seems horrified by the Ladies behavior, we think the Dutch are not used to the wild and crazy actions of the gals from Beverly Hills but he soldiers on. The people on the street are funny too. You know they are thinking “Americans are loud and rude”. Way to go Brandi.

So it was a fight sandwich kind of night, with Windmills, self-love and pot as the filler.


1 Comment

  • Really enjoyed the recap! It was silly for them to act as though they have never tried pot, but understandable since their children watch. Even if you are a regular smoker, eating it is different. I wish a giant wooden clog would fall from the sky and take Brandi out. And Kim, why oh why do we have to see her every season? She’s not sober, never has been, and I don’t blame the girls for calling her out on it, why should they have to pretend? After all, this is a reality show! Keep up the great work 4 Broads!

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